{"id":34159,"date":"2025-10-04T14:41:10","date_gmt":"2025-10-04T14:41:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/agooka.com\/news\/usa\/my-34-year-old-daughter-will-always-live-at-home-still-im-proud-of-how-far-she-has-come\/"},"modified":"2025-10-04T14:41:10","modified_gmt":"2025-10-04T14:41:10","slug":"my-34-year-old-daughter-will-always-live-at-home-still-im-proud-of-how-far-she-has-come","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/agooka.com\/news\/usa\/my-34-year-old-daughter-will-always-live-at-home-still-im-proud-of-how-far-she-has-come\/","title":{"rendered":"My 34-year-old daughter will always live at home. Still, I&#8217;m proud of how far she has come."},"content":{"rendered":"<figure><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i.insider.com\/68e0366c5dbc4fd10daa30c7?format=jpeg\" alt=\"An adult daughter embracing her mother\"\/><figcaption>Marguerite Elisofon and her daughter, Samantha.<\/p>\n<p>Courtesy of Marguerite Elisofon<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<ul>\n<li>Marguerite Elisofon is the mother of 34-year-old twins, Samantha and Matt.<\/li>\n<li>Samantha was diagnosed with autism as a toddler.<\/li>\n<li>She is an accomplished actor and singer who continues to live with her parents.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em>This story is based on a conversation with <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/margueriteelisofon.com\/\" rel=\"noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\"><em>Marguerite Elisofon<\/em><\/a><em>, 69, a writer and special needs consultant from New York City. It has been edited for length and clarity.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>My 34-year-old daughter, Samantha, has already chosen the song she&#039;ll perform at her twin brother, Matt&#039;s, wedding in May next year.<\/p>\n<p>She&#039;s refining her version of Bette Midler&#039;s &quot;Wind Beneath My Wings.&quot; Not that it needs refining: it was the highlight of her solo concert, &quot;Daring to Dream,&quot; last month.<\/p>\n<p>The event was a sell-out, and there was rapturous applause. The crowd&#039;s appreciation of Samantha made me prouder than ever. Diagnosed with autism as a toddler, she loves to challenge negative perceptions about people on the spectrum.<\/p>\n<p>Samantha and Matt were born premature at 33 weeks in December 1990. He was the stronger of the two and was placed in a regular incubator. But Samantha, who had jaundice and heart arrhythmia, needed breathing tubes when she was in the NICU.<\/p>\n<h2>Samantha&#039;s language seemed more repetitive than social<\/h2>\n<p>We were extremely worried, but she came home. Time passed, and while Matt reached certain milestones, like pointing and sitting up. Samantha fell behind.<\/p>\n<p>I noticed that she struggled to make eye contact and flapped her hands. The doctors tested her hearing because she wouldn&#039;t turn her head when we called her name, but the result came back normal.<\/p>\n<p>Then, when she finally began to talk, her language seemed more repetitive than social. At first, we were told she had pervasive developmental disorder. Then, they said autism.<\/p>\n<p>But labels mean nothing. Over the years, Samantha has been put in 99 different boxes, none of which have made any difference in the long run.<\/p>\n<figure><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i.insider.com\/68e0415ccc993f9955cf8b48?format=jpeg\" alt=\"A woman wearing a pink top and purple shorts\"\/><figcaption>Samantha Elisofon on a recent family vacation<\/p>\n<p>Courtesy of Margeurite Elisofon<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>She attended a language-based special education school and received various supplementary services at home, such as occupational, play, and physical therapy.<\/p>\n<p>One specialist said she was more like a 2 or 4-year-old when she was 8. Her anxiety levels and behaviors got worse, and many of the so-called expert predictions were dire.<\/p>\n<p>We did everything we could afford to help. Between the ages of 10 and 18, she went to a visual and conceptual development center to work on her logical thinking.<\/p>\n<p>Then Matt got into Vassar College to study English and film. He and Samantha had always been rivals, and she told me, &quot;If he can do it, why can&#039;t I?&quot;<\/p>\n<p>Her teachers had their doubts, but she was determined to get a degree like her brother. We looked at different options for neurodiverse kids, and settled on a liberal arts program culminating in two and a half years at Pace University, where she thrived.<\/p>\n<h2>My daughter was nominated for a top acting award<\/h2>\n<p>Matt earned his degree from Vassar in 2013, and Samantha graduated cum laude the following year. My husband, Howard, and I felt a rush of pride. She&#039;d proved everyone wrong by achieving so much.<\/p>\n<p>But Samantha&#039;s greatest talents lie in music and theater. She joined a performing arts group and, at the age of 26, landed a lead role in &quot;Keep The Change,&quot; a movie about a love-struck couple on the spectrum.<\/p>\n<p>She was nominated for Best Actress at the 2017 Tribeca Film Festival, and although she didn&#039;t win, it felt like a triumph. Since then, she has appeared in dozens of plays and musicals. Her &quot;Daring To Dream&quot; performance in September showcased her skills as a lyrical soprano.<\/p>\n<figure><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i.insider.com\/68e042225dbc4fd10daa3266?format=jpeg\" alt=\"A family of four standing in front of holiday decorations\"\/><figcaption>Marguerite, Matt, Samantha, and Howard Elisofon.<\/p>\n<p>Courtesy of Marguerite Elisofon<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Samantha&#039;s disability puts some limitations on her day-to-day life. She can&#039;t live alone. She relies on both Howard and me for financial and emotional support. I jokingly call myself an &quot;autism momager&quot; because I look after her career and schedule.<\/p>\n<p>Sharing a Manhattan apartment with an autistic adult child has its rewards and challenges. Samantha is a beautiful woman with charisma and energy. She lights up a room, and people are drawn to her.<\/p>\n<p>But she also has profound anxiety that can lead to meltdowns with plenty of F words.<\/p>\n<h2>I&#039;m trying to be more of a hands-off parent<\/h2>\n<p>She&#039;ll accuse me of infantilizing her when I tell her to go brush her hair. If I set a place for her at the kitchen counter, it threatens her independence. Things have improved because I&#039;m trying to be more hands-off so she can learn to do more things for herself.<\/p>\n<p>Matt getting married has stirred up mixed emotions for me. While I&#039;m delighted for him and his fianc\u00e9e, I feel a little sorry that Samantha is unlikely to settle down and have a family of her own.<\/p>\n<p>I once wrote a blog about the reality of being an autism parent. I named it &quot;The Never Empty Nest&quot; and often reflect on the title. Matt fled; his twin stayed. Still, I treasure these extra years with my unique and amazing daughter.<\/p>\n<p>Do you have a story to share with Business Insider? Please send details to reporter Jane Ridley<\/p>\n<p>Read the original article on Business Insider<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Marguerite Elisofon and her daughter, Samantha. Courtesy of Marguerite Elisofon Marguerite Elisofon is the mother of 34-year-old twins, Samantha and Matt. Samantha was diagnosed with autism as a toddler. She is an accomplished actor and singer who continues to live with her parents. This story is based on a conversation with Marguerite Elisofon, 69, a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":34160,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-34159","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-usa"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/agooka.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34159","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/agooka.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/agooka.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/agooka.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/agooka.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34159"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/agooka.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34159\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/agooka.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/34160"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/agooka.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34159"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/agooka.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34159"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/agooka.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34159"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}